As many of you know, I quit Timmies two Saturdays ago. God had told me to quit, that my time there was finished and that He was going to lead me to something closer to my vocation. I had no clue what He could have meant, since my areaa of study aren't exactly your conventional areas that would lead to a part-time/summer job. I thought maybe it would have to do with sales, or more tutoring, or maybe needing to get my TESL certification. But today in Time Out, there was an add for people need as babysitters for the Children's Aid in downtown Hamilton. It specified that the job would be better for social work students, but may also work for education students. I had thought it was cool until I had a little kick to email the contact and tell them I was interested and available to do it. So I did and we have been in contact throughtout the day.

 

I'm excited! Could this be what God meant when He said about being closer to my vocation? I've always had a soft spot for what people have deemed "troubled" kids, they aren't troubled kids, just kids who need to know they have worth and are loved. Could this be what God meant? Gotta pray about it, but feels good so far! :D

Lately, I've been worrying and finding disdain in many things. Work is just one of them. For some reason school also seems to be this year. And I think the two are related; I think it ties into the fact that I'm unsure of the path God has for me.

I often tell people that, during the school semesters, school takes all priority, just short of family. If I were to be honest, I'd have to honestly say that it even takes priority over God. This is an admission I've been reluctant to make but one that has been on my heart alot to admit to myself and God. I think that is why I'm having so much trouble this year buckling down and getting motivated. I want to be eager to learn, like last year, I want to do well and get my stuff done, but no matter how hard, how much I want and try to do it, I can't bring myself to do it. I want to start waking up early to read my Bible for an hour, some time for me and God, but it seems that I'm too tired from trying to juggle too much. I'm trying to do everything on my own strength, and God's letting me, but it's not going so well. I've always based my self worth on my grades. My grades reflected how much worth I had; without my grades, I was nothing. It was the one thing that defined me. So why this year, when it's supposed to be easier than my first year, am I struggling so much? I've finally got a social life this year, unlike last year, but am I take my social life too far? I do Tae Kwon Do and Tutoring on Monday nights, work Tuesday, do a prayer group Wednesday night, work Thursday night, somtimes on Saturday and every Sunday. I don't know how to balance this new social life, mainly because I've never had one before. I'm also finally getting serious about my relationship with God and trying to develope it more. I'm trying to figure out and balance everything on my own, and needless to say, failing horribly at it.

 

So what's the answer? Should I cut out my social life again this year? Cut down on work (though then I wouldn't be able to make bills)? Put God on the backburner again even though I keep asking Him for His help with my school and the direction He wants me to go? Should I just stop caring so much about grades?

 

I can't put it into words, but God has answered me when I ask Him about this.

"For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight." (I Corinthians 2:19)

School, education, all that is important but knowledge is a form of worldliness. Pursuing knowledge is pursuing something of the world. What is knowledge without wisdom? How am I any better than the vain person or the materialist? One person strives for nothing but the world's concept of beauty, no matter the cost. Another person strives for material objects, for wealth, for fame and recognition. I strive for knoweldge.  But why? What good will it do me in the end to have all kinds of knoweldge about the world, the nature of man according to man, the history of man, etc., if I don't have the wisdom to use it properly? Why bother going through with all this, if I don't have the discernment, the wisdom, to recognize and recieve the direction to use it properly?

 

God basically left me with this to think about:

"his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." (I Corinthians 13-15)

What I am trying to do, will it survive the fire or be burnt up?

 

God is really great sometimes you know that? He answers even the unspoken prayer, giving you the answer. He really did that with me today.

I've been gripping lately about work and have developed a slight distain for it. I was serious thinking about quiting and just hoping something ele would come up. For the last two months or so, I've dreaded work, hated it even, looked for every excuse my conscious would allow me to use to not go. Bitterness was my attitude for the place and I was letting it start to change my personality. I kept asking God if the reason I hated the place so much now was because I wasn't supposed to be there, and, if I was still to be there why I didn't still enjoy my job. Well, tonight God settled everything for me;

 

On the way to work today, I asked God; why keep me here? Do you want me here? Am I unhappy here because this isn't where I'm supposed to be?

God answered "When you were desperate, you told me you would take any job I gave you. I gave you this one and yet now you're unthankful for it?"

Don't make it sound like that Lord. But why am I unhappy when I used to enjoy work so much? What has changed?

"You gave Me control of your life.I put you here for a reason If I didn't want you here I'd let you know."

Is this you letting me know then?

" . . . . (-_-)"

I don't get it. Why here? Why this place? Couldn't you use me somwhere else?

At this time, I got to work and the dialogue kinda ended. Tonight I enjoyed myself at work for the first time in months again. L___, S____ and I had a blast, and it helped me to remember why I enjoyed working here in the first place.

But the kinch came at the end of the night.

We had about 15 minutes to the end of our shift and, I have no clue how we got on the topic . . . I think I said something about giving thanks to God about something, when S____ started to ask me questions. You know, the "Which God?" "How do you know which God?" type of thing. In 15 minutes, I found out that Saya's heart has been heading for Jesus, but because she's a raised Hindu she's confused about it, and a bit upset that she really didn't have anyone to talk to about it. So I have her my msn and cell number, and answered as many questions as I could before our shift ended. Just before we left, she started talking about A___, and it reminded me about A___'s s struggle with her faith and beliefs, and about Abby down at Store 6, whom I spent almost an entire night talking to about Jesus and my faith, and the other girl down at Store 6 who first directed me to Bethel.  I know why God has put me there, and that has given meaning back to my job. I stil hate the way the employers treat their employees, but I love the employees too much to leave. Tonight, God gave me a purpose for a dead-end job, and needless to say I'm just a bit happy about that. I've got a reason to go to work now, besides just the money.

You always know that God hears what is on your heart, but to see the answer to prayer so evidently, so quickly and before it was even asked, is an amazing thing to witness and experience.

Thank you Lord, that you love me this much.

 

I have no doubt that some people are pretty much born with the ability to see spirits, demons and the future. I have no doubt some people are born natural mediums, clarivoiants and seers. I believe they are accurate, and what they see is authentic.

 

However, what I do question are the sources they get these "powers/gifts" from. There are many spiritual gifts which look pagan/New Age. The spiritual gift of prophecy, healing, discernment and tongues for example, all strongly resemble New Age/Spiritualist gifts. Unlike spiritual gifts, which are directly from God and can be changed and/or revoked at any time, most spiritualists are born with their 'power/gift' and that I do not doubt, sinced many of them do not like their gifts at first.

 

But how can this be true, that they are born with these abilities? Aren't these things anti-biblical? Doesn't that mean that God gave these people these abilities just to condemn them? Here's where my theory comes in;

Certain passages in the Bible tell us that Satan has some knowledge of future events. He isn't all knowing about the future, though he does have some insight for it. God, on the otherhand, already knows the end and everything in between. God knows a child's future as soon as they are given life through conception. That also means He knows what spiritual gifts are best suited for them, should they choose to accept that option in life. But, what if Satan also knows what spiritual gift this child may recieve later in life? What if, before the child is able to make the choice to receive or not the spiritual gifts God had planned for them, Satan gave this child his own verson of 'spiritual gifts.' These gifts would be similar to God's spiritual gifts, but also perverted. Discernment is turned into medium, where instead of being able to discern the 'good spirits' from the 'bad spirits,' you can only discern spirits period. Healing, which origionally had been healing in God's name, now requires another source, another name and power to heal in, though one without the same level of strength as God. And that other source could only be the opposite of God, the one who gave the person these abilities in the first place. Prophecy becomes fortune telling and 'Seeing,' and these three are just to name a few examples. 

 

So what then? That's still God setting them up for trouble since He must have know about it before it was ever set in motion (pre-destination). Why didn't He do something to stop it? What does Satan gain out of this?

 

First off, I'm not touching the whole pre-destination issue. There are some things in life, whether it be about God, faith, science, whatever, that humans will never understand and this is one of them. God knows this will happen, but He stills gives people the choice. That is part of free will, the ability to choose what you are going to do. So why does God allow Satan to do this? Because we chose to invite Satan into our world from the start, and this is one of the concequences of that. I am living proof that God can take something like this and turn it around to what it was supposed to be. When I was a Witch, I was a medium. However, now that I am a Christian, my two strongest spiritual gifts I have been blessed with is empathy and discernment. God allowed my to go through what I did, and experience what I did as a Witch, to make better sense and use of my spiritual gifts from Him now, and I believe that option is open to all people. God lets people choose what path they will make and take, but He is always willing to bring them back to the one the He made for them if they ask Him to.

 

And what does Satan gain out of all this? More people turn away from God. They don't recognize the source they are getting it from. After all, they had no control over it, they were seemingly born with it. How then can they turn away from God? They really didn't have a choice about it. If they are (seemingly) born with it and/or develop it at a young age without intentionally invoking it, how then are they following Satan? Surely this must be a gift from God if anything!

One of Satan's greatest victories is convincing the world he doesn't exist. Satan knows about spiritual gifts, he's the greatest theologian in history. He knows the Scripture, God's word, inside and out, that's how he distorts it. And that is why he would give false, distorted spiritual gifts. Not only then are those people drawn away from God, but those around them and those who see these distorted gifts. Others seek out these distorted spirtual gifts through paganism and New Age, while the victims who have them from the start are usually dragged into such occultic and pagan practices because they are told that it is anti-Christain and has no place in the church. They are told that it is from the devil, and to repent and stop with these practises. It really isn't recognized for what it is; they are spiritual gifts, just not from God. People they aren't told this, they don't know how to fight against it and so they don't try. Rather, they embrace these distorted gifts. How can they be wrong if it came to them without them asking for it? But maybe, just maybe, if these people are made aware that these are distored gifts of what was originally intended for them, they may be more receptive.

 

I should point out however, that this whole theory is directed towards those people people who are sucked into New Age/Paganism because of the abilities they already possess, not the people who come to possess these abilities after making the choice to practise. Although, the notion of these abilities as being distorted spiritual gifts can eaily appyl to both scenarios, just not the notion on how and why they are aquired.

 

Meh, just a thought.